A shot looking west on Mullholland Drive, 6:59PM, on 9/20/23
1 Week Living in LA
09/20/2023 - 8:40 PM PDT
North Hollywood, California
One week ago, my great friend Antonio Fernandez and I arrived in Los Angeles. We unloaded our moving truck, celebrated our successful and safe cross country passage and fell asleep, exhausted, feeling emotional relief and elation at the thought of having completed this monumental move.
It’s incredible getting to look back at the journey that has brought me to this very place, to this moment, writing this entry from my new home in North Hollywood. I like to think about what 14 year old me would think of the life I’ve lived, and how many of that young boy’s dreams have come true. It is a beautiful thing to reflect, and it’s something I try to remind myself to do as often as I can.
Without reflecting, I’ve found it has been easy for me to be pretty hard on myself, to place a bunch of pressure on myself to perform, to make the best of every moment, capture every opportunity, always be on my a-game etc. (It’s funny reading back that sentence) Sometimes I don’t realize the intensity of the standard to which I’ve held myself over the years. I believe it had a lot to do with growing up in an incredible hispanic household where we were taught “el tiempo perdido lo lloran los santos” (saints mourn/cry when we waste our time). What a mantra. So I learned to be strong and to be independent. I also learned to withhold any unnecessary petitions for help, to not ask for support, to be dishonest about my well-being to the ones closest to me, so as to not make them worry.
Now fast-forward 16 years. I’ve been learning so much about my trends, my narratives, my beliefs, the challenges and the self-limitations I perceive. I’m doing my best to process/integrate/let go of as much of these as I can, as I create new narratives, habits, patterns etc.
The last 30 years of my life have been beautiful and wild. This new chapter comes with its fair set of challenges. I am ‘here’ to learn to believe in myself again, and taking this 2,500+ mile step is a big one in the right direction.
Here’s a quick thought before wrapping up this entry:
To learn to love yourself is one of life’s greatest adventures. It is wise to learn to love yourself because wherever you go, you’ll be there with you. You are your greatest terrestrial friend & ally, your most constant companion, closer than your shadow. Running away from yourself will never work, because you’ll always have yourself in tow (I’ve tried hahaha). So, make peace with the parts of you that are the toughest ones to love & accept. Perhaps you’ll discover that in the darkness there can also be light (and there is!). How do we learn to love ourselves? These are a few of the techniques/ideas I am trying. Stillness is a great first step. Silence the habitual numbing distractions, the modern age pacifiers. Be vulnerable again with your loved ones, with your closest friends. Open up about some “thing” that has been holding your attention for a long time, taking your peace. Take time to interrupt an unhealthy pattern and infuse it with a bit of slow breathing and awareness. Interrupting these patterns creates a beautiful space in which the locked away emotions that are repressed under the surface finally have a chance to come up and be acknowledged.
It isn’t always the most fun to experience some hurt you’ve intentionally been shoving down and doing your best to ignore, but doing so makes the path to inner peace and whole-ness a possibility. It’ll open a space in which more love can unfold, which will empower you by freeing up more emotional energy to do it again, a positive feedback loop!
I share these thoughts because this is what LA has helped bring to my surface. This move and all of its nuances has been a beautiful challenge, one that I am grateful for, because it has helped me feel what has been dormant for a long time, parts of me that I had orphaned in order to survive.
“Surviving” will keep you alive, it’s true. But a beautiful life is on the other side of survival. It takes courage to let go of the mechanisms we developed, the beliefs we adopted, the parts of us we turned off or disconnected from in order to survive some of our most trying moments.
The best part of this phenomenon is: we are not alone. Believe it or not, we are sharing this very experience with millions & billions of other human beings. YOU are not alone. We're all here, doing the best we can. I hope you find a lot more light within you this week and I wish you the best.
With love, until next time!
PS: check out my first blog post about the intention behind the "This Is It! Blog". The entry you just read was definitely more introspective/reflective in nature (thank you very much for taking the time to read it). https://www.davidposso.com/post/the-intention-behind-the-this-is-it-blog-vlog-entry-01
There will be a variety of flavors and themes I'll explore throughout the duration of the "This Is It!" Series. I am grateful to share this journey with you, thank you for being a part!
Chasing the sunset on Mullholland Drive, 9/20/23